Miles to Go Before I Sleep

“The woods are lovely, Dark and Deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

The time between bed and sleep is the worst of the day. The past comes back with a vengeance- the mistakes, the misery, the could-haves and should-haves. Try as you might, you simply cannot close your eyes and go to sleep. A time when the private hell opens up right before your eyes, a private hell is something you lived with alone; even when sometimes someone else’s casual questions nudged old, raw wounds within yourself.

Dully and with only the vaguest of reasoning, you seek out a place where you could be unknown and which, as well, is unfamiliar to you. Familiar things, their touch, their sound, their sight, had become an ache of heart all together which had filled the waking day and penetrated sleep. Strangely, in a way shamed you. There were never nightmares; only the steady procession of events on some unforgettable days. Days, that relive inside you as memories in the day and dreams in the night. And hence keeps you up and occupied till dawn, as you feel dawn gives you a sense of security as if the perils of the night are over. And in the stolen moments of the night you try to sleep and probably get a little shut eye only to be woken up perspiring and wishing for someone besides you warm to hug.

There were certain moments in life where you cannot help but feel like a character in a motion picture acting out a scenario that was written by somebody else. Probably because sometimes you responded in certain ways, leave alone others, you never expected yourself to be reacting, or sometimes when things happened too fast that you wished you could stop the clock for a while and try to take in everything. Miles to go down the memory lane, as time tries slowly to fade away the intensity of such incidents, the road not taken might seem a distress, and for you were the lonely traveler there. Miles along the road not taken, lonely, with no one to tie a bandage around your foot when a glass piece went in, lonely, when you limped along the rest of the miles seeking support on the old grown trees who lived alone long enough to care for no one anymore, limping along to seek out a dream which you always wanted but now fear would come true.    

But then, there is a mile I go before I sleep, down the road I walk not alone, just to see her smile and wave goodnight, just to see her turn back and give me that extra glance, just to see her smile one last time for the day before I see her smile yet again in my dreams. For once, the mile to go before I sleep is when reality seems better than dreams, when aspirations are strengthened and ambitions seem worth achieving. The mile I walk to see her off, I feel the raindrops in a dessert of drought, I see fireflies in a world of darkness, I see a ray of hope in an otherwise hopeless planet. En route the miles to go before I sleep, it is when I realize the pleasurable attractions of the world waiting for us at the end of the road not taken, as I walk along confidently holding her hand to meet out the ending, the happy ending. If things are not happy at the end then it is not the end, then there are yet Miles to Go Before I Sleep with a lot of promises to keep.